My Christian Brothers

I grew up with a little brother. I think he's wonderful and I love him very much. I feel very lucky to have him.

These days I've also got lots of other brothers. They're my Christian brothers and I love them too. I know that relationships between men and women can be complicated and fraught, so that makes me all the more grateful for these guys.

Let me describe what these relationships are like. I don't usually end up having close friendships with my Christian brothers unless they're single or I know their wives. But either way, it's still caring and respectful. Chrsitian brothers of mine have told me I look lovely today, fixed my bike, insisted they drive me home when it's dark, chatted with me, asked me to pray for them, reassured me when I've got a bad mark. Stuff like that. The other day we had a seminar at college about how to care for people addicted to porn. We were asked to talk to the person next to us about how we like people to respond when we tell them something we're going through. Sitting next to me was a Christian brother I'd not met before. We acknowledged that it was a bit wierd to talk about such personal stuff when we didn't know each other, but then we just talked about it and it was fine. We respected and trusted each other.

You know, a lot of the time when I walk down the street or in town or wherever I can tell that men are checking me out. I don't like it - it feels kind of predatory and sleazy and a bit scary. But I never get that feeling around Christian men. I feel respected, and honoured I guess.

I love my Christian brothers. I think it's especially nice to have them around when you're single. They help me not to feel unlikeable or unattractive or unworthy. They help me feel valued and honoured and cared for. I have so much respect and affection for these guys.

I thank Jesus for breaking down the walls that divide men and women, and for enabling us to relate in healthy, respectful, affirming and pure ways.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar . . .

We should only use the word "Australian" when we intend to refer to everyone who lives here, including newer migrants, who have equal right to the title, and Aboriginal Australians, who have more. We have other words to indicate a person's race or country of origin - Chinese, Asian, African, Latin American (latino?) . . . and Anglo. Fellow Anglos, let's avoid implying that we are the only Australians.

My Driving Forces: Approval, Understanding and Love

I crave understanding, approval (actually acclaim) and love. Perhaps the biggest sin I fall into is to seek these things from people before God. This leads me to think too highly or too little of myself; to sometimes feel elated and proud, and sometimes crushed and unconfident. I'm trying to learn to find all this in God. Every day I battle to be humble and satisfied in him.

This is pretty crazy and only goes to show how stupid and sinful I am, because I have a God who is far above me in every way, who gave me my every talent and who is abundantly satisfying. He knit me together in my Mum's womb and created every facet of my personality. He is pleased to say "well done" when I have done well. He defined love by sending his Son to die for me. So, with his help, I trust I'll get better at these things day by day.

My Driving Forces: Denial and Honesty

Life didn't used to make sense. When something was hard or when I screwed up, I didn't have any answers, so the way I dealt with stuff was to not even make the attempt. I used to stop myself thinking about anything confronting, challenging or confusing. I got very good at this, which obviously didn't solve or advance anything. So that was one problem.

The other problem was that it lead to deceit. It meant that if I was having trouble with something and needed help, I would never ask, and if I screwed up, I would never tell. What I would do is pretend it was all okay and hope that the problem would fix itself or go away. This was a dangerous road and not one I'd recommend.

So now I am deliberately, actively honest and - where appropriate - open about everything. This is how I make sure I don't slip back into my old way of dealing with stuff. I am enormously grateful that I am always sure of forgiveness and help from my Father and my brothers and sisters.

My Driving Forces: Hypocrisy and Integrity

I detest hypocrisy because I've seen its destructiveness. It says it is one, good thing and it promises you much, then it dishes out evil. It presents itself to the world and gains friendship and respect, but it was always a self-serving lie. I never want to be like that. I am, however, sort of happy to have experienced it because it drives me to integrity.

I'm convinced that there's no point believing or subscribing to or championing anything if I don't do my damnedest to live it out - when no-one (except God!) is watching; in the hard times; in the unsatisfying, unfulfilling and seemingly life-denying times; in the small things; in my thoughts and motivations. If this stuff means anything, then it has to play out in everything.

I didn't used to hold to this, but that was because I believed in small things and my belief was uncertain. But now that I believe in big, overarching, undergirding things, it is important to me to practise what I preach. If I say there is a loving, just God then I must trust him and obey him or else it's all a sham.

Reading Respectfully

Good writers only come into their own in the hands of a good reader. But very often, writers remain insulated from their readers. They send their piece into the world, never knowing where it will end up or if it will be understood once it gets there. That has changed for those writers who've taken on blogs. The opportunity to post comments makes plain the ability of writers and readers, and problems are exposed that never used to come to light.



If you're reading a blog and you think the writer is good, remember that they have carefully chosen their words. So read slowly and before you make a comment, read their post again. Look for things like qualifying statements or places where they might've been blunt, but chose instead to use softer words.

Let me give you an example. In my last post, 'Evangelical and Pentecostal Churches,' I had a couple of explicit qualifying statements - "I have more experience with evangelicalism than pentecostalism, so please forgive me if I get it wrong" and "This is not to say that either group rejects or fails to practice any of what I have written for the other one, just that it’s not their primary emphasis". My first paragraph also served as an implicit qualifying statement. My aim was to dispel any assumptions that I was out to attack.



I also chose my words carefully. For example, the second dot point I made for evangelicals was that they desired to "know God better", and for pentecostals that they desired to "experience a closer personal relationship with God". In a way, I was saying the same thing, but I wanted to emphasise that for the evangelicals, it's about knowledge, personal knowledge, like the way you get to know a friend or your wife over time. For the pentecostals, I wanted to emphasise that it's the felt experience of a closer relationship that matters. What this will look like is less specified than it is for the evangelicals.



So what can writers do to reduce misunderstanding? Get better! Aim to explain things clearly enough for all your readers to understand. But also accept that not everyone will understand. Cut your readers some slack - reading well is perhaps as difficult a skill as writing well.

Evangelical and Pentecostal Churches

People who attend evangelical and pentecostal churches don’t always have a lot to do with each other.[1] Sometimes it because there’s disagreement and animosity; sometimes there’s disagreement and love; and sometimes it’s got nothing to do with disagreement – the circles just don’t mix. This lack of contact can lead to generalisations and stereotypes, neither of which are helpful. So I’m going to outline what I see as the primary focuses of and driving forces behind each group. I have more experience with evangelicalism than pentecostalism, so please forgive me if I get it wrong.

I'll begin speaking broadly. It seems to me that evangelicals focus more on the past and on our undeserved salvation, and pentecostals focus more on the future and on our amazing blessings. This means that evangelicals talk more about sin and forgiveness, and pentecostals more about empowerment and purpose. The evangelicals come across as pessimists and the pentecostals as optimists! Interestingly - and disturbingly - neither group focuses very much on our heavenly future.

To get more specific, I think that evangelicals desire to:

• Be good (righteous/godly/loving/servant-hearted).
  They believe they get there by depending on God for each new thing – by repenting, praying, learning from and being obedient to his Word.
• Know God better (and better comprehend his love).
  They get there by meditating on his Word, praying and being obedient.
• See lost people saved.
  They get there by depending on God, preaching, loving and serving.

And pentecostals desire to:

• Be fruitful (living out their calling, purpose and potential/being loving/being servant-hearted).
  They get there by having sincere, confident faith that God has given them the power to do this.
• Experience a closer personal relationship with God.
  They get there by worshiping and praying.
• See lost people saved.
  They get there by depending on God, preaching, loving and serving.
  

This is not to say that either group rejects or fails to practice any of what I have written for the other one, just that it’s not their primary emphasis.

So, what do you think? Have I portrayed both groups accurately? What's missing?

[1] Here I am using 'evangelical' to mean churches that are not liberal, high or pentecostal (or Catholic or Orthodox).