In God's Sight

Our Lord God created us male and female that together we might rule over all the earth, that we might become one. The man was created first, but it was not good for him to be alone, so woman was made for man, to be his helper. That is why it is good for wives to help their husbands and good for single women to help their Christian brothers. For this we were created.

What else we created for? What else is beautiful and pleasing in God’s sight?

The wife of noble character is clothed with strength and dignity. These are surprising beauties. They are born of security, of inner peace, knowledge and self-control. These are the beauties of a queen.

She can laugh at the days to come. To dignity and strength is added that sweet thing, a light heart.

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. A woman with strength, dignity and lightness of heart is no fool. For these things stem from knowledge of the truth, from gaining of wisdom.

This queen of women goes about her days with confidence and joy and with a generous spirit that passes on the things she knows. And women, we are created to be queens.

Older women are to teach younger women. Their first instruction is to love your husbands and children. Single women are to love and help their sisters and brothers and to be loving aunties to children. Our first duty is to love! It is with love that we help.

We must also learn to be self-controlled and pure. As well as being dignified, wise and loving, we must be good. For evil deeds make nonsense of dignity and wisdom, and make love ugly.

We are to be busy at home. We are to keep all the practical things of the home in good order so that our husbands have full confidence in us, lacking nothing of value and so we might bring them good all the days of our lives. We are to make a home.

We are to be kind. All our strength and dignity, our wisdom and instruction, our self-control and purity, our busyness around the home, all this is to be done not sternly or militantly or anxiously, but from love, with joy and with kindness.

We are to be subject to our husbands, for this is what it means to be helpers and what it means for men to lead.

We are to be dignified, strong and joyful queens, teaching others. We are to be self-controlled and pure, to follow men’s lead, to be busy at home. And we are to do all these things with love and kindness.

We are to live with such purity and reverence that we would win over a non-believing husband. It is striking when a woman lives a good, a pure life. It is impressive when she lives her life reverently under God, knowing that all things are his, thankful that she is his. These things shine forth.

Outer beauty fades and outer ugliness is eclipsed by the beauty of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. A spirit that is pure and reverent is a spirit of gentleness and quietude. So too is a submissive, humble spirit, content and at peace. This is the spirit that comes when a woman knows she is loved by God. This is a spirit ready to love in return. When God sees this gentle, quiet spirit he finds her very beautiful.

And finally we are told: do what is right and do not give way to fear. We are to be gentle, quiet and submissive, but we are not to be spineless and cowardly. As weaker partners we will be fearful at times, but we are to keep on loving what is right and trusting that God will look after us. We are called to be wise and strong and self-controlled.

We were made to help men. In doing this we are to be subject to them. We are to love our husbands and children and brothers and sisters. We are to make a home. A woman who does these things is a woman of dignity, strength and joy, a woman who teaches others. In all we do we are to be pure, doing what is right. We are also to be kind. And we are to do it all under God, with reverence, having gentle, quiet spirits. This is how we make ourselves beautiful. We are then of great worth in God’s sight.

Quotes taken from Proverbs 31, Titus 2 and 1 Peter 3.

Leadership

I've hesitated to write this post because I don't want to come across as feeling sorry for myself. I don't - life is hard, this work is hard, that's the deal in a fallen world and I deserve no better. And what's more, I love my work and enjoy its many blessings. It's just that I'm dealing with some of its difficult aspects at the moment. I do love serving everyone and it is generally a joy and an honour to do this, and people are usually considerate and caring.

I guess my hope is that this post will help people have a better understanding of what it is to be a leader, to have a greater respect for the people who are called to this role and to be eager to support them. And maybe if any fellow leaders read this, they will find it helpful to have a bit of the problem and solution articulated.

When I wrote about leadership in November last year, ten months after beginning this job, I thought I had finally worked out what it was about. This is what I said: “Christian leadership involves three things – setting a good example by godly character and conduct, teaching and serving others.” Nine months later, to my initial distress and overwhelment, I’ve realised there’s more to it.

I have found myself trembling at what is probably to most people, the easier, more obvious end of leadership – to lead with the authority, assuredness and untiringness that the word conjures*. I’ve realised that I find the good character and serving side of leadership a lot more comfortable and, in a sense, easy. But then I’ve never been one for thinking or doing things in an orthodox way! To properly lead, I must throw off my insecurity and my pursuit of approval and love. I must forget these things, forget my self. And I must lead, though I’m sometimes weak, though I’m afraid I’m not good enough and I won’t know the way. Though I would like to be led.

I must forget myself . . . and I must also take on responsibility for all the people under God and in my care. I must give myself to these people, listen to them, get to know them, support and encourage, rebuke and teach them.

How can I do so much? How can anyone do so much?

I do it because He did more for me. I do it because it is right for me to do, because I’ve been given the skills and character to do it. I can do it because I don’t have to have all the answers and have my shit together – for my confidence is in Him. I can do it because I won’t be neglected, but will find true security and healing in Him. I can do it because I have Him to lead me, as well as my pastor and my brothers.

I can do it because it is He who is in control and the ultimate responsibility rests with Him. I can do it because He is a loving God who will not ask more of me than I can bear, or if He does, will give me the strength for it.

I can do it because He gives me the brothers and sisters and friends that I need. It is good for me to spend time receiving support and enjoying the company of these good people.

In weakness, I have learned why it has been hard for me to do these things. And in weakness I will continue on, leading with confidence (in Him) and knowing He will give me all the support I need.

*Also by: being aware of the symbolic value of what I, as a leader, do; bringing people together; recognising gifts and opportunities; ensuring that the things I start will carry on; creating opportunities out of people’s enthusiasm or complaint; predicting flow-on effects; assessing actions in light of goals (I can do this last one at least!)

The Virtues in Three Parts

These divisions are far from watertight, but I find them helpful because they help me to pinpoint where I or other people are having difficulty. And they encourage me when I fail because I see that these things are in fact marvellous, and hard.

Please overlook these categories if they send you towards legalism. The last thing I want is for people to be approaching virtue as a series of tasks to accomplish. Better to learn that our living is for God’s glory, and that all things – even the most humble – are to this end. Then who will stop us from being simply, extravagantly, unpredictably, joyfully virtuous.

Part the First: The Good Virtues

These are the virtues of avoiding temptation and resisting evil, and choosing good. They may sometimes appear passive, but, in truth, are nothing of the sort. Each person has some easy, pleasant or habitual wrongs that take great moments of courage and control to be thwarted, as well as a great love for what is right and good.

Part the Second: The Kind Virtues

These are virtues sometimes of deed and always of manner. They are the virtues of not only choosing rightly, but also choosing kindly. These virtues clothe the Good Virtues with humility, kindness and gladness. They are the virtues that say yes. They are the virtues that see a need and meet it.

Part the Third: The Extravagant Virtues

These virtues can be the hardest to learn, for they are foolish and demanding, knowing only the wisdom of the extravagant God who gave up his Son. These virtues are disproportionate, sometimes opposite to what is deserved. They love bountifully, they care happily for another even when this brings suffering. These virtues befriend the unlovely and open hearts to the unkind. These are the virtues that show mercy and forgiveness to anyone.

And then there are the other virtues of discernment, of rebuke, of perseverance, of defending truths. And of all the virtues, the most excellent is love. I can have all else, but if I have not love, I am nothing. And this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.