What I Have Learned from Suffering

• The value of not being intense.

  I used to listen attentively and intensely when I was talking with someone, thinking of probing, caring questions to ask. When I began suffering I no longer had the energy to sustain this. Instead I have learned to value and enjoy people's company – even when no words are spoken. I have learned to let others listen to me. I have realised that my conversations are within God's control, and that he will guide them in a serious direction if it is his will.

• The importance of being determined to suffer in a godly way.

  I have seen this time as the ultimate test of my faith, of whether I truly desire to please and bring honour to my Lord. With this in mind, I have persevered in doing good and seeking God's help when I am weak or tempted.

• That God answers good, faithful prayers.

  I have prayed for many things. I have prayed for my circumstances to change and they have not. I have prayed for my character to improve and it has. I have prayed for things like calmness, strength to do my work, openness with others, humility. My suffering has been such that it was a matter of either maturing quickly or else responding sinfully. Had I not suffered I might not have prayed for these things, or least not so fervently.

• That you can be content and secure in God's love and protection, even when all else is pain.

  Even when I have suffered greatly, on the verge of despair, I have never quite despaired and I have never lost or doubted God's love. He is always present.

• That even when circumstances are awful and there's no hope for improvement, God's love is sufficient.

  I can see that this is true, but I am only beginning to learn it. I trust that as I know him better, this will be made obvious.

• That God can deal with the deepest pain, anger or disappointment.

  It is right for me to be open with him about everything, rather than 'dealing with it' myself. He may not deal with it straight away, but in his good time, he does.

• That grief ages you and wears your body out much quicker than time.

• That God gives you friends to support you, just when you need them.

  I have been so blessed by people's concern and encouragement.

• That persevering is what you do long after you already thought you were.

  Suffering can keep on unbated for a surprisingly long time. I have felt like I've been doing this for ages and that soon something must change. The point when you realise it's going to continue on as before, is when perseverance really kicks in. That weary point is when you really need God's help if you are to persevere.

• That when I am weak God is strong. One of my prayers that has been answered again and again is that I will be able to be kind and loving towards others. It has truly been a small miracle that when I have been very weak and sorrowing, I have continued to have a lot of my heart to give the people around me. I really have felt like this weak, helpless creature leaning on God and passing on his great love.
• The value of humility. In my suffering I have seen my weak, pitiful state and have learned that it is posturing to ever think I am more than this (though I am made in God's image . . . yet am much less than he). It is a great relief to be made honest before God and a great comfort to be loved by him. I want to doggedly pursue humility, though I tremble at the hardship I may find.