Church for 'my type'

I often feel a bit disconnected in churches and I'm beginning to wonder if it's because I belong to some sort of sub-culture. If it's just my issue it's not important, but I wonder if my experience might be typical of others, Christian and not.

What's do I think my sub-culture is then? Nothing too radical – just middle class, educated, gen X and perhaps a little bit 'alternate' with it. So here's some beginning reflections:-

Emotion

My type's reserved. Actually I'm at the passionate end of my type – and yet I'm still my type. If I'm expected to walk into a church and sing with emotion and abandon, I can't. I can better express my love for my God if I'm allowed to do it more mutedly. Though I do get better once I've had a chance to 'warm up', particularly after the sermon.

Aesthetic and manner

My type notices these little things and finds it jarring and uncomfortable when they're not 'as they should be'. It's not even necessarily things like the church organ or the lame modern hymnals. These are to an extent expected, and some may even carry an institutional, traditional charm. It's more the all-pervasive churchyness that makes my skin creep. It's graphic design from the 80s and praying in a rhythmic, entoned voice. It's flower arrangements and dressing up for church. Consulting 'my type' is the only way to fix this stuff.

Mind

This is an area where I think we should be somewhat counter-cultural, but where I think churches often mimic the local culture.

In our culture my type rarely talks of serious things and then only certain serious things. Religion and death are not mentioned. As Christians, we need to talk about these things, to help each other and to share the hope that we have. But we need to do it meaningfully, sincerely and naturally. In my church, there's an unspoken awareness that just after a sermon is not the time to talk of weighty things. We're all still mulling over what we've heard. We'll return to serious things if the conversation takes us there. In this way I think we should be the same as the wider culture. But we should be different in that when the time is right we don't beat a verbal retreat but do talk about weighty things – even religion and death.

Getting this stuff right for my sub-culture will no doubt mean it is wrong for the other groups in our community. So I guess it's a matter of considering who you are aiming to make comfortable in your church meeting. If your target group is not 'my type', then I guess these factors can be minor considerations. We also need to remember and be reassured that the most winning thing about Christianity is the message of Jesus' mercy shown us on the cross and the good lives this message causes us to live.