Sex in the service of God

I asked Mikey if he'd read any good books lately and he put me onto Christopher Ash's Marriage: Sex in the Service of God (Leicester: Inter-Varsity Press, 2003). He's already posted a number of quotes from the book, but what the heck, I want to as well. I've only read bits of it and quickly, but as far as I can tell Ash's thesis is that marriage and sex was created not to mitigate against loneliness, but to mitigate against ineffectiveness. Women was created in the context of man being given a noble job to do (Genesis 1:26-28; 2:15) - to help him in that task (2:18). Ash writes (of 2:22-23):

Here is a natural and innocent affirmation of sexual desire and delight, of nakedness untouched by shame.

Yet we must not conclude that the final goal of this delightful and intimate companionship is to be found in the delight, the intimacy or the companionship. This is delight with a shared purpose, intimacy with a comon goal, and companionship in a task beyond the boundaries of the couple themselves. As we rejoice with the lovers in the garden, we must not forget that there is work to be done.1

Ash observes that this is not to deny the blessing of marriage for the lonely, and yet, "The Bible has a great deal to say about the longings of the human heart. This is more pronounced in some places than in others, but there is much about love, friendship and fellowship. It is very striking, however, that almost never are these longings and their satisfaction placed in the context of sexual relationship."2 He then refers to 1 John 4:7-21; 1 Thessalonians 2:6-8; 1 Corinthians 13; John 13-16; Philemon 7; 1 Samuel 18-20; 2 Samuel 1:26. He conclusion is that:

If in our society the unmarried (or those who are not in what are revealingly called 'relationships') do experience loneliness (as they undoubtably do), we are not therefore to point their hopes inevitably in the direction of a sexual relationship, but rather to human relationships of friendship and fellowship. This is a challenge to churches to be the kinds of loving communities in which real relationship is not coterminous with sexual relationship.3

He then speaks about unhealthy things that can result from warped expectations of the marriage relationship, noting first that a marriage fails the test of being a loving relationship "unless its charity extends beyond the bounds of reciprocity" (see Luke 6:32 and also 16:27f; Acts 5:1-11).4 He then notes that it is "only a short step" from the selfishness of an inward-looking marriage to the selfishness of self-actualisation, of seeking only your own fulfillment from your marriage partner. This is too much to ask of anyone. Ash says, "In the Bible's perspective the way forward is neither via individual autonomy nor in introspective companionship, but in the joyful shared service of God."5

However even this biblical attitude has its dangers. "Marriage is to be a visible and lived-out image of the love of the Lord for his people . . . The paradox is that when we begin to think of the marriage relationship as an end in itself . . . we slip very easily into a privatization of love that contradicts the open, outward-looking and gracious character of covenant love."6 Rather partners in a faithful marriage may be "imbued with a vision for a shared usefulness. They work together to build a marriage in which faithful love overflows in fruitfulness beyond the borders of themselves as a couple alone."7 Only by God's grace, by his strength in our weakness.


1 Ash, Marriage, 121.
2 ibid, 117.
3 ibid, 122.
4 ibid, 123.
5 ibid, 126.
6 ibid, 127.
7 ibid, 369.