Shameful

Some days I feel like the ministry work I do isn't very valuable. I don't know why I feel this way now – I was convinced of its worth back when I did my MTS apprenticeship. I suspect the Devil's trying to get my 'off my game'. This feeling can be so strong that all I can tell myself is that it's “probably” not true. It has made me pray timidly, fundraise woodenly and squirm uncomfortably when people express their support.

What seems to be going on in my messed-up mind is that I'm thinking people in 'secular' jobs are doing the real, noble and wholesome work; whereas I'm being indulgent, dabbling in some luxury pursuit while living off other people's charity. Some of my thinking comes from what has been said to me in the past and some of it from a genuine respect for secular workers. But when I see clearly, I know it's false.

I know that doing ministry work does not make me more faithful, and that working in a secular job is righteous and that God can achieve great things through it. And yet I also know that teaching people the Word of God, helping them grow more like Christ, enabling them to pass on the Word to others and focussing on people's eternal state are matters of first importance. I know that while I do love my work, I'm not doing it for self-satisfaction, seeking to please myself at other people's expense. I'm doing it because I believe it's an important and legitimate job. And I know that I'm asking for people's money not because I don't want to take responsibility for myself (which would indeed be shameful), but because I'm working for these people and deserve a wage for my work.

I would really appreciate it if you, my dear readers, could pray that I'll remember these things, and perhaps even remind me of them yourselves :).