Very human

A long time ago I was having a rather serious chat with a dear friend of mine. She had some very thoughtful and intelligent things to say, so when I went home I wrote them down. I came across my notes the other day and thought I would share them with you.

My friend was arguing that you must always divide someone’s actions from their person. You shouldn’t say “Good girl” or “Bad boy” because their actions are not them. When people act badly it’s not because they are bad - they were making the best choice they could from the options they were aware of. Even when someone deliberately choses to do something they know they shouldn't and will later regret, the very fact that they persist in making the wrong choice shows there is more going on than they are conscious of. Life brings hurt and disappointment and we all carry with us a degree of anger and fear that make our choices less than wholly rational. Our bad actions may stem from nothing more than the very human desire to protect ourselves or get revenge - motives that my friend argued were understandable and perhaps even excusable.

But I think that just because something is understandable doesn't make it excusable. The fact that we are all victims in some way doesn't give us the right to be perpetrators. So what are we left with? If we are both hurting and without excuse, then is there nothing we can do to protect ourselves or ease the pain? This is where I believe the Christian God comes in. Christians are told to turn to him with our hurt and disappointment. It's from him that we seek comfort, justice and protection. And it is in him that we find joy, meaning and wholeness - rather than in always looking to people who disappoint. Life lived under these truths gives us the freedom to chose the right.