With most of the women I meet, identifying concrete goals and working towards them hasn't seemed the way to go. Instead I've ended up helping them with stuff as it crops up (eg lack of assurance, peer pressure at work), helping them mature in 'incidental' godliness, rather than furthering them along a pre-planned path.
One of my fellow staffworkers has helped my thinking here. While acknowledging that women are less task-oriented than men, he identified that a more planned approach can be helpful for:
- Habitual/learned 'shortcomings' ("not necessarily sins, though! . . . . e.g. a woman who complains, 'I've gotta get more organised!!'").
- Competence ("I find it helpful to think of growth in terms of the MTS categories of ministry suitability [Character, Competence, Conviction]. Regular Bible study will move people forward in character and conviction; I have no doubt about it. But it won't necessarily help them progress in competence.")
- Specific areas of character and conviction ("e.g. 'I've always wanted to understand what the phrase in Christ is on about'--it's possible to set some goals and help them move forward there.")
- And finally, "I wonder if the 'incidental' approach nevertheless benefits from a dose of 'deliberateness' . . . For example, as we discover someone's lack of assurance, rather than *simply* reading John 6, we could set the 'goal' of writing out a prayer based on v37 for them to come back to when they're feeling 'lost'."
So in these times you have to cut women quite a bit of slack, ditch your plans and address what needs addressing now - while keeping in mind where you are ultimately wanting to go with them (and how this thing you're dealing with right now might fit into that). Of course this calls for a good amount of flexibility and discernment.
Women and men - a bit different. Who'd 've thought!
H/T Bernard
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2 comments:
Thanks Fiona. I agree with these observations. I think its also sometimes hard to establish the foundation of what the relationships is ( well for me) - when the women you work with are not used to these kind of relationships.
I've found that in Anglican circles that as people tend to be from backgrounds that aren't familiar with the word discipleship or whatever word we use for this kind of intentional catching up - I have had a harder time keeping things on track.
People on the fringes of Anglican churches tend to be more more interested in community and healing than growing in knowledge and holiness. Well, that has been my experience.
This makes it hard to treat the tangents as tangents!
Yes, I can see that. Tricky stuff. Would it work to begin by focussing on what they want to focus on (eg healing) and bringing them some scriptural encouragement/teaching? Or perhaps if they're keen for community, capitalising on doing this as Christian sisters, and reading a Psalm together or having a time of prayer as part of the general catch up?
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