Being human in the big smoke

Anyone who reads this blog with any frequency will know about my ongoing fight with introversion and lack of generosity. Do you know what though? God really has changed me - I'm now genuinely pleased to share my food and time with other people, even at a moment's notice. In earlier days I would've noted these opportunities and kept mum. And I've got loads better at socialising at church too.

But there's a side of generosity I'm yet to nail and it has to do with introversion. It's the generosity of expending yourself in intense/exhausting/scary situations. Don't think I'm about to advocate going all out, pushing so hard against your personality that you collapse in a heap - I think we need to honour the way God made us and spend most of our efforts in the areas in which we shine, in being the part of God's body we were designed to be. But we are called to die to ourselves, to lay down our lives for others, to respond to the situations and people God places in our paths.

Which brings me once more to shopkeepers, beggars and passersby in the street, all of whom I would wish to treat as human. I don't want to be like every other big-city person, be they in Sydney or Santiago (is this really true of every single big city in the world?): shut-off, poker-faced, enveloped in a staged indifference. Not because it doesn't work - it really does, it's very effective. You get by, end up where you need to be, do what you need to do, and you never lose face, get hassled, threatened, or even just inconvenienced. It's great! And cold and inhuman. And I'm good at it - no-one ever looks twice at me (well except to check me out, but there's little you can do about that). I pass for a chilena! Hooray!

But I'm not this soulless in other situations, around the people I know. Then I'm generally - though, to my shame, not always - warm, interested, courteous and respectful. So, you know what the answer is? To not deliberately become another person when I'm out and about, but rather to just keep on being myself. I don't need to turn icy to protect myself, certainly not from inconvenience - if Jesus humbled himself for me I'm sure I can waste five minutes of my time chatting to someone unhinged. And nor do I need to protect myself from danger - God can and will do a finer job of that.

I'm never going to be totally myself in these sort of situations - I'm too much of an introvert for that - but that's okay, I'm just be the awkward version of myself. I've been that way before, even with friends, and no-one died from the experience. And I'm not aiming to go all out, to smile at each person, attend to every opportunity - as an introvert, that level of people-engagement would drain me dry and leave nothing for the women I'm here to serve. But, you know, I'll do my bit.