I stand outside this culture. All goes on without me, as it did before I came, as it has for as long as there have been people here, and before. That first day I spent moving over the globe, the people of Chile went on with their life. Their world continues if I understand it or not. Standing outside of it is like standing outside of the future, eyes straining forward. I can imagine what goes on there; I'm excited by it all. I can picture a beautiful life here, with friends, creativity, great fruitfulness in ministry, even love. As the real world calls to me, so too does this real future world of my own making. It leans back and swings its arm toward me, catching at my heart and hopes, and my heart leaps to see it waiting there. But it taunts me because it isn't real - not yet it isn't, and perhaps it never will be. I need to look to today. Look to today and look to the great Tomorrow, to the Tomorrow that I will walk in as sure I walk today. The Tomorrow that's no mad dream. I need to look to the man who will take me there, the Shepherd who knows how hopeless my heart can be, who'll make sure I get there anyway. This hope, this bright, extravagant, tender thing inside of me, it has a purpose. It has a resting place. Perhaps good things will come to me over these next short years. Surely they will. But they are little outposts of all that will be - that will be. It were better for this poor heart of mine if I looked there. Look there, poor heart of mine! Look there and don't be always looking back and around.
It is too much for me. God give it me.
But as for me, I trust in you.
- Psalm 55:23
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