Seeking understanding

Sometimes, when life's been hard the thing that I've desired more than anything - almost more than the end of the pain - is to understand. I want to see that:

• there was some good reason for my trouble. Even if I've been wronged, I want to know that there is a bigger picture that brings sense to all this, that there is some good reaching over it all. I want to know that my suffering didn't just come from randomness, negligence or cruelty.


• something good will come of my suffering. I don't want to go through all the pain and it be for nothing.


• it won't always be like this. I want to know that, one day, it will be well, and it will be good.

And my God answers "yes" to all these things. That's not why I came to believe in him, but I am glad that it is true. It doesn't mean he will let me in on his purposes or plans though, and that can be very hard. But he's trustworthy - he's worthy of my trusting him.