Extroverts* do a good job because they enjoy the people around them, and are happy to jump into strange social situations. Introverts do a good job because they're fine with sitting back and listening to other people talk.
* I'm using these terms in the commonly understood but technically incorrect way - ie socially fabulous vs socially reserved (not as get-your-energy-from-people vs get-your-energy-from-elsewhere).
Monday, April 16, 2012
What to say next / 2
I don't always know what to say next when I half agree and half disagree with someone. I guess I could express approval for the bit I like, but sometimes if I do that, I'll look like I'm supporting more than I am. As an example, recently someone was describing the traditional Catholic practice of having a celebratory meal after a funeral as a bit barbaric (or at least I think that's what they were saying - I may have misunderstood). I wanted to defend the practice and say - "It makes sense if they think the person is happy in heaven". But I bit my tongue, not wanting to imply that the Evangelical and Catholic church are just different expressions of the same faith, when I think the differences are near as profound as they could be. And yet, on many, more superficial things our different faiths are in accord...
I know what I need to do. I need to forget that we're talking about Catholicism or Seventh Day Adventistism or whatever and introduce a new subject - the Gospel. So, in the example above, I might have said, "In my church, funerals are a time of great sadness and of great joy - because we really do believe that Jesus conquered death on the cross and that our sister is with him now, even happier than before" (or perhaps something a little shorter - my Spanish isn't that good yet). This will be hard for me - I get very focussed on the precise subject at hand - but with God's help I'll do it.
I know what I need to do. I need to forget that we're talking about Catholicism or Seventh Day Adventistism or whatever and introduce a new subject - the Gospel. So, in the example above, I might have said, "In my church, funerals are a time of great sadness and of great joy - because we really do believe that Jesus conquered death on the cross and that our sister is with him now, even happier than before" (or perhaps something a little shorter - my Spanish isn't that good yet). This will be hard for me - I get very focussed on the precise subject at hand - but with God's help I'll do it.
What to say next / 1
I don't always know what to say next when I find out that someone's religious. What I really want to know is if they have heard the truth about what Jesus did, if they understand it, if they have turned from unbelief to belief. But it's a conversation, not an interrogation. Often I find myself saying something profound like "that's nice", while scouring around for something better.
Maybe it would work to say, "How did you become -?", "What was it like growing up as -?", "How important is - to you?".
What do you say?
Maybe it would work to say, "How did you become -?", "What was it like growing up as -?", "How important is - to you?".
What do you say?
What I'm doing here Take Two
I'm still fiddling around with my explanation of what I'm doing here. Probably won't ever be done with it. The latest revision was prompted by my classmate's surprise when I said I was a missionary - "but I thought Chile was full of Christians!?". I realised that I needed to suggest something of the problem as well as the solution in my reply...
My new explanation goes like this:
The good thing about it is that I can engage the listener and get away with it being long, by pausing after the first sentence to check they agree. Please do let me know if you have any thoughts about how it might be improved. I am a little worried that it might come across as if everyone automatically qualifies as his child...
My new explanation goes like this:
I think that many women - many people - feel as though God is distant and angry. Because of this I want to help women understand what the Bible says about all that Jesus did and continues to do for his beloved children. [Creo que muchas mujeres - muchas personas - sienten que Dios es lejano y enojado. Por eso quiero ayudar a las mujeres a comprender lo que la Biblia dice acerca de todos que Jesús hizo y sigue haciendo por sus hijos amados.]
The good thing about it is that I can engage the listener and get away with it being long, by pausing after the first sentence to check they agree. Please do let me know if you have any thoughts about how it might be improved. I am a little worried that it might come across as if everyone automatically qualifies as his child...
Extreme makeover?
I'm pretty keen to follow Paul's example, which, far from imposing
his own culture, saw him becoming like a Jew to win the Jews, like
someone 'under the law' to win people 'under the law', or like someone
without the law in order to win those different folk. At first glance it
seems a shifty, manipulative strategy, but if you only read a little
more of what our man Paul has to say, you soon see the genuine and deep
love he feels for all these people.
Positively speaking, I reckon this means I should aim to be on the same wavelength as people here in Chile. That way I'll understand and feel where they're coming from, and I'll be able to communicate and act in ways that gel. And not as some rational strategy, but because I love and enjoy the Chilean culture and people. Negatively speaking, I need to avoid being too strange. I'll need to lose enough of my foreignness to guard against people feeling intimidated or ill-at-ease around me.
But - and this is what I really need to remember - none of this means that I should totally shed my Australian skin. I can be a blessing to folks here by bringing some of the good of Australian cultural practices and points-of-view. Also, it's good for me to display an acceptance and pride in my own culture that I would have Chileans take in their own. And, even though Paul spoke so strongly about changing himself for the sake of others, he stayed Paul. He was being considerate and canny, not fake.
Positively speaking, I reckon this means I should aim to be on the same wavelength as people here in Chile. That way I'll understand and feel where they're coming from, and I'll be able to communicate and act in ways that gel. And not as some rational strategy, but because I love and enjoy the Chilean culture and people. Negatively speaking, I need to avoid being too strange. I'll need to lose enough of my foreignness to guard against people feeling intimidated or ill-at-ease around me.
But - and this is what I really need to remember - none of this means that I should totally shed my Australian skin. I can be a blessing to folks here by bringing some of the good of Australian cultural practices and points-of-view. Also, it's good for me to display an acceptance and pride in my own culture that I would have Chileans take in their own. And, even though Paul spoke so strongly about changing himself for the sake of others, he stayed Paul. He was being considerate and canny, not fake.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
un-tabooing
Being an atheist here is not the same as it is in Australia. In Australia, you're an atheist in a secular society. In Chile, you're an atheist in a religious society.
I don't yet know just what this means and I may never fully understand, having grown up breathing secular air. But one thing I know is that to be religious isn't fringe, it's normal. It's not taboo. Technically, it's not taboo in Australia either - speak about religion and people generally respond with courtesy, even warmth. But that's only some people and only if you keep the subject matter light. To anyone with social skills, it's soon abundantly clear that it would be preferable never to speak of such things.
So, I repeat, in Chile it's not taboo to talk about religion. This changes everything for me. In Australia, I aim to be bold, but the sensitive nature of the topic means that it's all too easy to come across as pig-headed and hatred-filled, even when that is far, far from the truth. There, I have to choose my words carefully, and speak only of personal experience or very gently nudge people towards the truth.
But here, it's okay to discuss matters of faith and folks won't think you're being rude. This means that I need to be okay with talking about Christianity. I need to present my beliefs with the same glad, gentle, forthright passion as when I tell my Spanish class how Tasmanians see themselves. I need to do this even when everyone in the class thinks that missionaries are bad and abortion is okay. I'm a person of faith; I need to act that way.
So please pray that I will be able to throw off the secular clock still weighing so heavy on my shoulders, and be a loving and courageous child of God in this new place.
H/T Frances and Mikey
I don't yet know just what this means and I may never fully understand, having grown up breathing secular air. But one thing I know is that to be religious isn't fringe, it's normal. It's not taboo. Technically, it's not taboo in Australia either - speak about religion and people generally respond with courtesy, even warmth. But that's only some people and only if you keep the subject matter light. To anyone with social skills, it's soon abundantly clear that it would be preferable never to speak of such things.
So, I repeat, in Chile it's not taboo to talk about religion. This changes everything for me. In Australia, I aim to be bold, but the sensitive nature of the topic means that it's all too easy to come across as pig-headed and hatred-filled, even when that is far, far from the truth. There, I have to choose my words carefully, and speak only of personal experience or very gently nudge people towards the truth.
But here, it's okay to discuss matters of faith and folks won't think you're being rude. This means that I need to be okay with talking about Christianity. I need to present my beliefs with the same glad, gentle, forthright passion as when I tell my Spanish class how Tasmanians see themselves. I need to do this even when everyone in the class thinks that missionaries are bad and abortion is okay. I'm a person of faith; I need to act that way.
So please pray that I will be able to throw off the secular clock still weighing so heavy on my shoulders, and be a loving and courageous child of God in this new place.
H/T Frances and Mikey
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Beggars
A little while back, after thinking once again about beggars1, I decided to get practical and ask facebook "What is something useful or nice that I can have on hand to give to beggars?". Forty-one responses later I had a much better idea of what to do. People started by suggesting giving muesli bars, dried fruit and nuts, bananas, beanies, socks, gloves, bottled water, and marbles for the kids. Then the Colombians weighed in ;).
Here's an early suggestion: "find a local organisation already helping these people and direct him to it, go with him, volunteer your services or money to the organisation as they know best how to help. i used to carry bread & buy meals for people but later found out that even food, they (some, but how do we know which some) even manage to sell food to get cash for other things."2
These sort of comments made me think that it's probably best to give stuff - not money - to beggars. So I've been carrying around some muesli bars and packets of dried fruit and nuts (nice and light!) and giving them to the people I come across. It's straightforward, it gives you an opportunity to speak kindly to these people, and you've actually helped in some small way (well, that is unless they sell it for drink, but I'd prefer to err on the side of trust and generosity). And it's stopped me being scared of these people.
But what about those people who are disabled or elderly (like the man who begs most afternoons at my train station)? The Chilean government does provide them with a pension, but I'm told that it's not enough to live on. I could just do what I do for the other beggars, but what if the gentleman at my station is too frail or too out-of-the-loop to access an NGO's services?? Or what if there isn't an NGO in my local area? Perhaps supplementing his pension by giving him cash would be a great thing to do.
The jury's still out on this one. One of my friends thinks this is the good and respectful thing to do. But others think it's unhelpful. One friend said that
I'm also finding out about what government/NGO services are available in my area, so I can work out if he really does have the opportunity to access their services. Then I might let him know about them, or maybe even go along with him, you never know. I've also got the idea of funding a retirement home hovering around in the back of my mind, but I'll spend a good while getting to know him first. Oh yeah, that's the other thing I've been doing - having a passing chat with him each day. As well as giving him dried fruit and nuts and - sporadically - remembering to use the more formal "usted" form with him as a mark of respect. He seems to be a lovely man.
H/T Mel, Chris, Sally and others
1 I used to only think about this stuff on a big, systems level, but now I think that the Bible calls us to care for the actual people who are part of our life. (Of course we do this in the context of (a) the church community with all its different gifts, opportunities and responsibilities, (b) the knowledge that the poor will always be with us, and (c) the knowledge that easily the best way you can care for someone is to give them the gift of life with Jesus for ever.) Now I don't see serving poor and disadvantaged people as my particular gift/calling, but I do want to be a 'good Samaritan' to the people in my life. I want to live with integrity and love. This means that I need to work out how to help, not poor people in general, but the elderly gentleman who begs most days at my train station, as well as the other random individuals I come across.
2 "Part of the reason for this is because "Colombia has organised beggars. There is no welfare for the sick and disabled but people, not unlike drug lords, but with people not drugs, organise groups of people to beg and the person who is their boss takes the money at the end of the day and the people actually begging get to have somewhere to sleep. So you may not actually be helping anyone's welfare by giving directly to these people". Happily though, I'm told this doesn't happen in Santiago.
Another suggestion concerning kids begging was: "there is often an unscrupulous adult nearby "prostituting" them because it is well known in 'the business' that young famelic faces get more money out of the punters than old ones . . . . If you see one who looks genuinely hungry, get him a yoghurt or empanada and stay there while he eats it, or it could never touch his lips". (I haven't seen any children begging here, though I have seen them working.)
Here's an early suggestion: "find a local organisation already helping these people and direct him to it, go with him, volunteer your services or money to the organisation as they know best how to help. i used to carry bread & buy meals for people but later found out that even food, they (some, but how do we know which some) even manage to sell food to get cash for other things."2
These sort of comments made me think that it's probably best to give stuff - not money - to beggars. So I've been carrying around some muesli bars and packets of dried fruit and nuts (nice and light!) and giving them to the people I come across. It's straightforward, it gives you an opportunity to speak kindly to these people, and you've actually helped in some small way (well, that is unless they sell it for drink, but I'd prefer to err on the side of trust and generosity). And it's stopped me being scared of these people.
But what about those people who are disabled or elderly (like the man who begs most afternoons at my train station)? The Chilean government does provide them with a pension, but I'm told that it's not enough to live on. I could just do what I do for the other beggars, but what if the gentleman at my station is too frail or too out-of-the-loop to access an NGO's services?? Or what if there isn't an NGO in my local area? Perhaps supplementing his pension by giving him cash would be a great thing to do.
The jury's still out on this one. One of my friends thinks this is the good and respectful thing to do. But others think it's unhelpful. One friend said that
what i would do is ask around people who work at the train station how genuine his situation is. Whether they see him buying food etc or if they ever see him drinking alcohol etc . . . . I don't know if I'd ever go back to ever giving a beggar money but i think I'd prefer to buy them things to empower them another way ie the old frail man who 'appears' to not be able to get himself to an ngo service i would prefer to work out how i and others could come together to get him into a decent retirement place and fund his care.Another advised me to "ask him what he most needs - and get it for him. At least then he will HAVE what you purchased, as long as he is not so far gone as to exchange it for drink, which a lot do. Yes, money in cash is empowering, but in my experience, people begging on the street are rarely without vices... and rarely have the self-control to spend cash on food". And so I did just that with the man at the station the other day and he said he would like some clothes. I told him "maybe" but I do plan to gradually buy him a few things (if I can push past the awkwardness of buying men's clothes :/).
I'm also finding out about what government/NGO services are available in my area, so I can work out if he really does have the opportunity to access their services. Then I might let him know about them, or maybe even go along with him, you never know. I've also got the idea of funding a retirement home hovering around in the back of my mind, but I'll spend a good while getting to know him first. Oh yeah, that's the other thing I've been doing - having a passing chat with him each day. As well as giving him dried fruit and nuts and - sporadically - remembering to use the more formal "usted" form with him as a mark of respect. He seems to be a lovely man.
H/T Mel, Chris, Sally and others
1 I used to only think about this stuff on a big, systems level, but now I think that the Bible calls us to care for the actual people who are part of our life. (Of course we do this in the context of (a) the church community with all its different gifts, opportunities and responsibilities, (b) the knowledge that the poor will always be with us, and (c) the knowledge that easily the best way you can care for someone is to give them the gift of life with Jesus for ever.) Now I don't see serving poor and disadvantaged people as my particular gift/calling, but I do want to be a 'good Samaritan' to the people in my life. I want to live with integrity and love. This means that I need to work out how to help, not poor people in general, but the elderly gentleman who begs most days at my train station, as well as the other random individuals I come across.
2 "Part of the reason for this is because "Colombia has organised beggars. There is no welfare for the sick and disabled but people, not unlike drug lords, but with people not drugs, organise groups of people to beg and the person who is their boss takes the money at the end of the day and the people actually begging get to have somewhere to sleep. So you may not actually be helping anyone's welfare by giving directly to these people". Happily though, I'm told this doesn't happen in Santiago.
Another suggestion concerning kids begging was: "there is often an unscrupulous adult nearby "prostituting" them because it is well known in 'the business' that young famelic faces get more money out of the punters than old ones . . . . If you see one who looks genuinely hungry, get him a yoghurt or empanada and stay there while he eats it, or it could never touch his lips". (I haven't seen any children begging here, though I have seen them working.)
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