Appreciating Jesus

For a while now I’ve been concerned that Jesus is too complex and strange for me to be able to understand very well. I’ve been concerned that in not understanding him, I have failed to appreciate, love and worship him as I should.

That was until a comment from an old friend made me realise how differently we both see my life. I think she sees my Christian life these last three years as just another thing, wheras I divide my adult life into ‘before’ and ‘after’ I became a Christian. So I got to wondering why.

As a child I was a Christian, and during the adult ‘before’ years I kept my general belief in God. I ‘merely’ forgot his fullness and forgot his Son. In the before years I was something like an Old Testament Jew. I knew there was a God and I knew what he expected of me. But I could never live up to his standard nor did I really want to, and he was never close to me, sinner that I was.

The difference between the before and after years is Jesus Christ, God’s Son. His life, death and resurrection is not just a truth that I hold – it is a truth that has transformed my life. For his glory and out of his love Jesus changed my life.

Because of Jesus I not only know that God exists, but I have a relationship with him. I am able to know him better each day.

Because of Jesus I am forgiven and made ready to follow his example of glad obedience to the Father.

Jesus has given me new life, showered me with every blessing and is the God I want to thank and follow and know as best I can in this life and better in the next!

The Eighties

I was born three years before the eighties began and was thirteen at their end. At the time the eighties was all there had ever been, but now I can see their special character.

There was an earthiness to the eighties – all those everyday tracksuits. We were comfortable being Aussies in the summer sun.

We were confident of the future. We felt like we could be anything when we grew up.

The eighties had a wildness. Not a random, purposeless wildness, but a wild narrative. We grew up recognising wildness and expecting some fluidity and unpredictability in life. We grew up conversant with narrative.

Then the grungy nineties changed our focus from the fun and mad to the bad. We acknowledged suffering and despair but we stayed defiant and made it through. And now we’ve arrived at the noughties – where we have embraced the dubious honour of creating our own meaning. So far it’s a happy, worldly-wise, humanist place.

Taboos

I’ve found myself chickening out of saying some things lately, so I got to wondering why those things in particular . . .

I chickened out of talking about God or Satans’ active involvement in my life. I think I did this because I might be wrong, because I feel like I’m making too much of myself and because I feel I’m being an overspiritual crackpot. But I don’t think these things were actually true. I was worrying more about my image than about the truth.

I’ve also chickened out of talking about feelings of low self-worth. I did this because to be open would lower my status and would make me vulnerable to insensitive reply. But it’s more helpful to admit to not having it all together, than to keep up a false façade.

Unnecessary self-censorship can give an unbalanced, over-predictable, over-rosy view of life. We should speak of the mystery and splendour and weakness and struggle we encounter in this world.

What it is to Lead a Church

Soft and grim and wise to chose between them.

What it is to be a Woman

It is tipping down to the water's edge in three-quarter pants, heels and handbag, peering around a moment then retreating, bound by body and dress. It is riding your bike with bravado, and yet not as a man or a neuter. It is the confidence of shapely dress and beguiling dance. It is the weaker sex, even in its great fortitude. It is the grief of women. It is interest in people and it is sisterhood. It is sensitivity and thought and vulnerability. It has a grace, even when ugly and clumsy. It has a beauty. And a softness, though this last is sometimes obscured by hard cares.

What it is to be Wealthy

It is to make use of the money you have, just as you would do if you were middling or poor. To spend large sums of money on socially acceptable ends, buying a car or building a house. It is to gather, or better to grow up with, friends with similar means. To visit each other's homes and give praise for work and creativity. To feel troubled and powerless at poverty and trouble. To make a good community with your neighbours, family and friends and to be glad of that. To get on with life and not notice what you've become.

The Beatitudes

I'm spending this last week before Christmas reviewing the year. I started with my character and have got no further than the most excellent beatitudes. It's my hope that my reflections below will help you, my dear readers, learn more of this part of Matthew 5 or that you will realise your own cause for repentence or praise. In addition, I would value anyone's thoughts on my character, especially if I'm way off the mark. Commenting on this blog or sending me an email (or speaking in person!?) would be appropriate.

Matthew 5:3-10

Am I poor in spirit?

I'm not sure what this means. It might mean being tired or weak or inadequate or morally bankrupt. I have seen myself like this and I have learned that I am never much more than this.

I still need to learn that even when life is good and I'm feeling fine, I continue to be inadequate, weak and sinful and that any gifts and strength and good humour I have come from God.

If I am poor in spirit, then mine is the kingdom of heaven! This because I rely not on myself, but on God. This humility is so good and right that it 'earns' the kingdom.

Do I mourn?

Yes. If I mourn, then I will be comforted. Is this really a blessing? Yes, for I am comforted by God. It is he who is attentive, who gives me relief, peace, security, hope and he who surrounds me with caring friends. I know his love. Of course I would much prefer to experience all this without mourning, but that is not the way it has been. And while the mourning is no less awful, I am truly glad of the comfort I have received.

Am I meek?

Sometimes. I have realised how crucial meekness and humility are. Only a person who is meek will rely on their Lord and will be happy to learn from him and be changed by him. From this, all the other good parts of a person's character can grow. I want to be meek because it is right. I want to be meek because there is security in it, in putting my trust in my good God.

I need to learn to be meek when I don't understand or when I hate what is happening in my life. I need to learn to be meek when I am using the talents God has given me.

If I am meek I will inherit the earth! If I am poor in spirit and meek, I will gain the kingdom of heaven and the earth! These seemingly pathetic, effortless traits will be revealed as righteous and glorious.

Do I hunger and thirst for righteousness?

Yes, but not with my whole heart. I hunger and thirst for righteousness because I want to please God. And because I have seen that righteousness is glorious, that man has greatest dignity and nobility when he is steadfastly good. I want to be one of those people that others look up to and respect. I want to bring honour and not dishonour to my God.

I need to learn to seek righteousness not only with resolve but with passion.

If I hunger and thirst for righteousness, then I will be filled. I know this is true. God has answered my good prayers and I am becoming the person I asked to be. And this not only in my actions, but also in my heart and thoughts. I'm far from full, but I'm filling up!

Am I merciful?

Sometimes. I am becoming more merciful. I am at least remembering that I should be merciful and I sometimes pray for this. Being merciful has grown a bit easier as I have become more humble and meek.

But I have a long way to go. I need to learn to pray more fervently to be merciful. I need to learn the discipline of avoiding judging or retaliating and of pursuing mercy.

If I am merciful, then I will be shown mercy. This is a blessing indeed, and one that secured my salvation when I was never merciful. I have since been shown still more mercy by God and by others and it has been a cause of great relief and humble gratitude.

Am I pure in heart?

More so each day. My heart has grown more pure in the rightness of its emotions and desires and inclinations. Any actions that have changed for the better have stemmed from a change in my heart, from my growing love for God and people. Only with a change in heart is such change in behaviour really possible and genuine. Only a mighty God can change a person's heart.

And yet my heart keeps all sorts of pride and nastiness. Often small things, but no less ugly for their size. And it keeps its wrong tendencies and temptations and defences. All is not well.

If I am pure in heart, I will see God. Wow. When I am in heaven, pure in heart, I will see him face to face. And even now, as my heart grows more pure, I know and understand him better and I grow closer to him. I begin to see him, and he is wonderful.

Am I a peacemaker?

Sometimes. I am sometimes able to be calm and to see, and perhaps address, the cause of another's anger.

I need to learn to do this even when I get emotional, when my buttons are pushed. I need to learn to treasure harmony.

If I am a peacemaker, I will be called a son of God. Wow. This is the esteem in which God holds peace and peacemakers. This is how his own mercy and forbearance are shown to be glorious.

Am I persecuted because of righteousness?

Sometimes. My friends and family do not always understand my priorities and perspectives. They believe I am being foolish or harsh or irresponsible when I am trying to be good.

And yet they never abandon me and they support me. And sometimes they are critical because they can see my evil more clearly than I.

If I am persecuted because of righteousness, then mine is the kingdom of heaven. I prove myself worthy of the crown when I stay righteous whatever the consequences or the situation, just as the prophets did. We should look forward gladly to our great reward in heaven.