The Preciousness of Being Wronged

It is in being wronged that I have learned the bankruptcy of my own efforts and my desperate need for grace.

When I am wronged, I find myself unable to do what I should do. I am unable to be merciful or forgiving or kind. When I'm wronged, I don't even desire these good things. I don't mourn my ugly reaction – my anger, bitterness and hate.

I, who have caused much wrong, am indignant. I, who have been forgiven much, am unforgiving.

And it is only by grace that I know right from wrong, only because God has spoken.

I know my thinking and speech is very wrong, though I don't hate it. And I know what is right, though I don't desire it. So I pray. And God does things through me that I could never do.

A Gentleman Dancer

Here's my suggestions as to how men can be gentlemen on the dancefloor, where chivalry stills reigns – or should. Maybe someone can write and tell me how women can be ladies (I am one*). The only thing I know about this is that we should always keep dancing. No matter what happens, whether you screw up or they do or whatever, we should keep dancing. But I'm sure there's more. Anyway, to the point at hand:-

• Start dancing with the easy stuff. If the woman's nervous, keep doing this until she's relaxed and comfortable.

• Always be gentle with her (but not so gentle she can't tell what you want her to do). This will make her feel respected and appreciated. If you're getting a bit behind and need to fling her to make it round in time, don't. You'll both enjoy the dance much more if you just miss that move.

• Keep it interesting, but not too interesting. That way she won't be bored but she won't be stressed out and dismayed either. Dancing at her level shows you're accepting of where she's at.

• And intersperse the interesting bits with some easy bits so she can have a bit of a rest and regain energy and focus. This is especially good for appreciating the music and for slower, more cruisy points in the song.

• Smile (or at least don't look pissed off) when she screws up. This will help her to stay relaxed and enjoying the dance.

• If you critique her dancing do it gently/tentatively, so she'll feel encouraged to improve.

• When the floor's crowded, dance simply so she feels safe.

*a Little Britain reference

Being

Church work is more about being than doing. I am continuing to learn this. So it goes with all profound truths

Until recently I have regarded spending time with God – reading his Word, speaking to him in prayer – as an essential underpinning of my faith and my service and teaching. This is not quite right. Time spent with God should be much more than this for a Christian leader, and maybe for every Christian. It should instead be the focus and climax of my day. All else I do should be because I am inspired and directed by this time with God. My teaching should not be teaching so much as sharing wonders! I should follow the Psalmist's example:

“Though rulers sit together and slander me, your servant will meditate on your decrees. Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors.”

“How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!”

“My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises.” (Psalm 119:23-24, 103, 148)

The First Sin

What sin was it that brought about such disaster and punishment?

The first sin happened just after the creation of the heavens and the earth “in all their vast array” (Gen 2:1) by an all-powerful God who “saw all that he had made, and it was very good” (1:31). This God chose to make people in his image, in his own likeness. He let people “rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground" (1:26). He gave them “every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it” (1:29). He planted a garden in the east and there he put the man. He made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground – trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food (2:8-9). He brought all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air to the man, for him to name. And when no suitable helper was found for Adam, the LORD God made a woman and brought her to the man, so they might become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame (2:25). The LORD God put them in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. He granted them freedom to eat from any tree in the garden, with the exception of one – the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

This is the kind of world in which the first sin happened. This is the kind of God against whom the first sin was done. He is a God who gives generously, abundantly. He is a God who gives his created people good commands, for their good. Some were positive - “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground" (1:28) – and one was negative – “you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die” (2:17).

The woman and man were not satisfied with God's good provision and with fulfilling his commands. Their sin was to prefer the fruit of a tree to relationship with God. They chose appetite and aesthetic over God, the Maker of the Garden of Eden, that place where there were many trees “pleasing to the eye and good for food” (2:9). They were not happy to follow God's wisdom, but wanted their own. They listened to the serpent, Satan, instead of to God.

Why were they so stupid?

They were looking out for themselves and they were prepared to deny God in the process. When the serpent asked “Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?”, he was insinuating that God's good commands were actually restrictive rules. Then the serpent bluntly indicated that God was lying and didn't have the people's interests at heart – “ 'You will not surely die,' the serpent said to the woman. 'For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.' “ (3:4-5).

The woman listened well. She could see in front of her that “the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom” (3:6). God was denying her these good things.

Are we like Eve and Adam? Do we, like our brother Asaph, say “Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence” (Psalm 73:13)? Do we yearn for things that might be? Do we become grieved and bitter at the lot God has dealt us?

We should flee such senselessness and ignorance! Flee such sin! Join Asaph in concluding:

“[Y]ou hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (73:23-26)

In God's Sight

Our Lord God created us male and female that together we might rule over all the earth, that we might become one. The man was created first, but it was not good for him to be alone, so woman was made for man, to be his helper. That is why it is good for wives to help their husbands and good for single women to help their Christian brothers. For this we were created.

What else we created for? What else is beautiful and pleasing in God’s sight?

The wife of noble character is clothed with strength and dignity. These are surprising beauties. They are born of security, of inner peace, knowledge and self-control. These are the beauties of a queen.

She can laugh at the days to come. To dignity and strength is added that sweet thing, a light heart.

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. A woman with strength, dignity and lightness of heart is no fool. For these things stem from knowledge of the truth, from gaining of wisdom.

This queen of women goes about her days with confidence and joy and with a generous spirit that passes on the things she knows. And women, we are created to be queens.

Older women are to teach younger women. Their first instruction is to love your husbands and children. Single women are to love and help their sisters and brothers and to be loving aunties to children. Our first duty is to love! It is with love that we help.

We must also learn to be self-controlled and pure. As well as being dignified, wise and loving, we must be good. For evil deeds make nonsense of dignity and wisdom, and make love ugly.

We are to be busy at home. We are to keep all the practical things of the home in good order so that our husbands have full confidence in us, lacking nothing of value and so we might bring them good all the days of our lives. We are to make a home.

We are to be kind. All our strength and dignity, our wisdom and instruction, our self-control and purity, our busyness around the home, all this is to be done not sternly or militantly or anxiously, but from love, with joy and with kindness.

We are to be subject to our husbands, for this is what it means to be helpers and what it means for men to lead.

We are to be dignified, strong and joyful queens, teaching others. We are to be self-controlled and pure, to follow men’s lead, to be busy at home. And we are to do all these things with love and kindness.

We are to live with such purity and reverence that we would win over a non-believing husband. It is striking when a woman lives a good, a pure life. It is impressive when she lives her life reverently under God, knowing that all things are his, thankful that she is his. These things shine forth.

Outer beauty fades and outer ugliness is eclipsed by the beauty of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. A spirit that is pure and reverent is a spirit of gentleness and quietude. So too is a submissive, humble spirit, content and at peace. This is the spirit that comes when a woman knows she is loved by God. This is a spirit ready to love in return. When God sees this gentle, quiet spirit he finds her very beautiful.

And finally we are told: do what is right and do not give way to fear. We are to be gentle, quiet and submissive, but we are not to be spineless and cowardly. As weaker partners we will be fearful at times, but we are to keep on loving what is right and trusting that God will look after us. We are called to be wise and strong and self-controlled.

We were made to help men. In doing this we are to be subject to them. We are to love our husbands and children and brothers and sisters. We are to make a home. A woman who does these things is a woman of dignity, strength and joy, a woman who teaches others. In all we do we are to be pure, doing what is right. We are also to be kind. And we are to do it all under God, with reverence, having gentle, quiet spirits. This is how we make ourselves beautiful. We are then of great worth in God’s sight.

Quotes taken from Proverbs 31, Titus 2 and 1 Peter 3.

Leadership

I've hesitated to write this post because I don't want to come across as feeling sorry for myself. I don't - life is hard, this work is hard, that's the deal in a fallen world and I deserve no better. And what's more, I love my work and enjoy its many blessings. It's just that I'm dealing with some of its difficult aspects at the moment. I do love serving everyone and it is generally a joy and an honour to do this, and people are usually considerate and caring.

I guess my hope is that this post will help people have a better understanding of what it is to be a leader, to have a greater respect for the people who are called to this role and to be eager to support them. And maybe if any fellow leaders read this, they will find it helpful to have a bit of the problem and solution articulated.

When I wrote about leadership in November last year, ten months after beginning this job, I thought I had finally worked out what it was about. This is what I said: “Christian leadership involves three things – setting a good example by godly character and conduct, teaching and serving others.” Nine months later, to my initial distress and overwhelment, I’ve realised there’s more to it.

I have found myself trembling at what is probably to most people, the easier, more obvious end of leadership – to lead with the authority, assuredness and untiringness that the word conjures*. I’ve realised that I find the good character and serving side of leadership a lot more comfortable and, in a sense, easy. But then I’ve never been one for thinking or doing things in an orthodox way! To properly lead, I must throw off my insecurity and my pursuit of approval and love. I must forget these things, forget my self. And I must lead, though I’m sometimes weak, though I’m afraid I’m not good enough and I won’t know the way. Though I would like to be led.

I must forget myself . . . and I must also take on responsibility for all the people under God and in my care. I must give myself to these people, listen to them, get to know them, support and encourage, rebuke and teach them.

How can I do so much? How can anyone do so much?

I do it because He did more for me. I do it because it is right for me to do, because I’ve been given the skills and character to do it. I can do it because I don’t have to have all the answers and have my shit together – for my confidence is in Him. I can do it because I won’t be neglected, but will find true security and healing in Him. I can do it because I have Him to lead me, as well as my pastor and my brothers.

I can do it because it is He who is in control and the ultimate responsibility rests with Him. I can do it because He is a loving God who will not ask more of me than I can bear, or if He does, will give me the strength for it.

I can do it because He gives me the brothers and sisters and friends that I need. It is good for me to spend time receiving support and enjoying the company of these good people.

In weakness, I have learned why it has been hard for me to do these things. And in weakness I will continue on, leading with confidence (in Him) and knowing He will give me all the support I need.

*Also by: being aware of the symbolic value of what I, as a leader, do; bringing people together; recognising gifts and opportunities; ensuring that the things I start will carry on; creating opportunities out of people’s enthusiasm or complaint; predicting flow-on effects; assessing actions in light of goals (I can do this last one at least!)

The Virtues in Three Parts

These divisions are far from watertight, but I find them helpful because they help me to pinpoint where I or other people are having difficulty. And they encourage me when I fail because I see that these things are in fact marvellous, and hard.

Please overlook these categories if they send you towards legalism. The last thing I want is for people to be approaching virtue as a series of tasks to accomplish. Better to learn that our living is for God’s glory, and that all things – even the most humble – are to this end. Then who will stop us from being simply, extravagantly, unpredictably, joyfully virtuous.

Part the First: The Good Virtues

These are the virtues of avoiding temptation and resisting evil, and choosing good. They may sometimes appear passive, but, in truth, are nothing of the sort. Each person has some easy, pleasant or habitual wrongs that take great moments of courage and control to be thwarted, as well as a great love for what is right and good.

Part the Second: The Kind Virtues

These are virtues sometimes of deed and always of manner. They are the virtues of not only choosing rightly, but also choosing kindly. These virtues clothe the Good Virtues with humility, kindness and gladness. They are the virtues that say yes. They are the virtues that see a need and meet it.

Part the Third: The Extravagant Virtues

These virtues can be the hardest to learn, for they are foolish and demanding, knowing only the wisdom of the extravagant God who gave up his Son. These virtues are disproportionate, sometimes opposite to what is deserved. They love bountifully, they care happily for another even when this brings suffering. These virtues befriend the unlovely and open hearts to the unkind. These are the virtues that show mercy and forgiveness to anyone.

And then there are the other virtues of discernment, of rebuke, of perseverance, of defending truths. And of all the virtues, the most excellent is love. I can have all else, but if I have not love, I am nothing. And this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.