What it is to be a Woman

It is tipping down to the water's edge in three-quarter pants, heels and handbag, peering around a moment then retreating, bound by body and dress. It is riding your bike with bravado, and yet not as a man or a neuter. It is the confidence of shapely dress and beguiling dance. It is the weaker sex, even in its great fortitude. It is the grief of women. It is interest in people and it is sisterhood. It is sensitivity and thought and vulnerability. It has a grace, even when ugly and clumsy. It has a beauty. And a softness, though this last is sometimes obscured by hard cares.

What it is to be Wealthy

It is to make use of the money you have, just as you would do if you were middling or poor. To spend large sums of money on socially acceptable ends, buying a car or building a house. It is to gather, or better to grow up with, friends with similar means. To visit each other's homes and give praise for work and creativity. To feel troubled and powerless at poverty and trouble. To make a good community with your neighbours, family and friends and to be glad of that. To get on with life and not notice what you've become.

The Beatitudes

I'm spending this last week before Christmas reviewing the year. I started with my character and have got no further than the most excellent beatitudes. It's my hope that my reflections below will help you, my dear readers, learn more of this part of Matthew 5 or that you will realise your own cause for repentence or praise. In addition, I would value anyone's thoughts on my character, especially if I'm way off the mark. Commenting on this blog or sending me an email (or speaking in person!?) would be appropriate.

Matthew 5:3-10

Am I poor in spirit?

I'm not sure what this means. It might mean being tired or weak or inadequate or morally bankrupt. I have seen myself like this and I have learned that I am never much more than this.

I still need to learn that even when life is good and I'm feeling fine, I continue to be inadequate, weak and sinful and that any gifts and strength and good humour I have come from God.

If I am poor in spirit, then mine is the kingdom of heaven! This because I rely not on myself, but on God. This humility is so good and right that it 'earns' the kingdom.

Do I mourn?

Yes. If I mourn, then I will be comforted. Is this really a blessing? Yes, for I am comforted by God. It is he who is attentive, who gives me relief, peace, security, hope and he who surrounds me with caring friends. I know his love. Of course I would much prefer to experience all this without mourning, but that is not the way it has been. And while the mourning is no less awful, I am truly glad of the comfort I have received.

Am I meek?

Sometimes. I have realised how crucial meekness and humility are. Only a person who is meek will rely on their Lord and will be happy to learn from him and be changed by him. From this, all the other good parts of a person's character can grow. I want to be meek because it is right. I want to be meek because there is security in it, in putting my trust in my good God.

I need to learn to be meek when I don't understand or when I hate what is happening in my life. I need to learn to be meek when I am using the talents God has given me.

If I am meek I will inherit the earth! If I am poor in spirit and meek, I will gain the kingdom of heaven and the earth! These seemingly pathetic, effortless traits will be revealed as righteous and glorious.

Do I hunger and thirst for righteousness?

Yes, but not with my whole heart. I hunger and thirst for righteousness because I want to please God. And because I have seen that righteousness is glorious, that man has greatest dignity and nobility when he is steadfastly good. I want to be one of those people that others look up to and respect. I want to bring honour and not dishonour to my God.

I need to learn to seek righteousness not only with resolve but with passion.

If I hunger and thirst for righteousness, then I will be filled. I know this is true. God has answered my good prayers and I am becoming the person I asked to be. And this not only in my actions, but also in my heart and thoughts. I'm far from full, but I'm filling up!

Am I merciful?

Sometimes. I am becoming more merciful. I am at least remembering that I should be merciful and I sometimes pray for this. Being merciful has grown a bit easier as I have become more humble and meek.

But I have a long way to go. I need to learn to pray more fervently to be merciful. I need to learn the discipline of avoiding judging or retaliating and of pursuing mercy.

If I am merciful, then I will be shown mercy. This is a blessing indeed, and one that secured my salvation when I was never merciful. I have since been shown still more mercy by God and by others and it has been a cause of great relief and humble gratitude.

Am I pure in heart?

More so each day. My heart has grown more pure in the rightness of its emotions and desires and inclinations. Any actions that have changed for the better have stemmed from a change in my heart, from my growing love for God and people. Only with a change in heart is such change in behaviour really possible and genuine. Only a mighty God can change a person's heart.

And yet my heart keeps all sorts of pride and nastiness. Often small things, but no less ugly for their size. And it keeps its wrong tendencies and temptations and defences. All is not well.

If I am pure in heart, I will see God. Wow. When I am in heaven, pure in heart, I will see him face to face. And even now, as my heart grows more pure, I know and understand him better and I grow closer to him. I begin to see him, and he is wonderful.

Am I a peacemaker?

Sometimes. I am sometimes able to be calm and to see, and perhaps address, the cause of another's anger.

I need to learn to do this even when I get emotional, when my buttons are pushed. I need to learn to treasure harmony.

If I am a peacemaker, I will be called a son of God. Wow. This is the esteem in which God holds peace and peacemakers. This is how his own mercy and forbearance are shown to be glorious.

Am I persecuted because of righteousness?

Sometimes. My friends and family do not always understand my priorities and perspectives. They believe I am being foolish or harsh or irresponsible when I am trying to be good.

And yet they never abandon me and they support me. And sometimes they are critical because they can see my evil more clearly than I.

If I am persecuted because of righteousness, then mine is the kingdom of heaven. I prove myself worthy of the crown when I stay righteous whatever the consequences or the situation, just as the prophets did. We should look forward gladly to our great reward in heaven.

In All Circumstances

“Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.

'He committed no sin,

and no deceit was found in his mouth.'

When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.” 1 Peter 2:18-25

This is godliness – to love Christ so dearly and follow him so closely that though it may be hard work it is never forced. To have no need to ready myself to be particularly Christ-like in a particular situation, but to step out with him into all of life. And when I am confronted by unjust cruelty I should . . . hurt and I should . . . bear up.* Even as Christ did, out of his great love and mercy.

In my hurt I am unlikely to manage anything more than bearing up silently and avoiding unkindness. I will probably need to close myself off until my hurt passes. I may need to escape the situation rather than sticking around having to interact – which is likely to end badly. All this may be interpreted as unkindness, but better this than what will come out if I open my mouth.

It is appropriate to be hurt, but my thoughts or emotions may also grow sinful. I may become bitter or angry. As fiercely as I keep my mouth shut, I need to ask God to change me.

In some circumstances, the hurt will never pass. But if I am blessed by my hurt easing, then I keep on living as Christ. I should use my renewed energy and peace of mind/heart to forgive, to be appreciative, joyful, open and kind. I should treat the person as if they never hurt me and as if they will never hurt me again. I will leave myself open to cruelty, for I am more concerned about caring for the other person than about looking after myself. I rest safe in the knowledge that my God loves me and has an eternal home for me. I know he will sustain and comfort me as I faithfully follow him in this world.

So the solution, as always, is to grow in our love for our Lord and our desire to please him. And, as always, we cannot do this alone, but only with God's great comfort and help. He knows how much I need it.

*We should bear up in circumstances similar to that of the slave/master described by Peter. However it is good to protect/defend yourself or others in dangerous situations – for example, where there is domestic violence. And in any situation it may be good to make use of the laws and legal system we have been given today.

Faith at Work

At the time I became a Christian I was working as a Speech Therapist. The main impact my faith had on my work was that I tried to be reliable and kind to my workmates, and caring and compassionate to my clients. I tried to share my faith with others, but was frustrated by the lack of opportunities to do this, or to talk about anything serious at all.

I was actually finding my job very difficult at this time. My fiance and I had broken up a few months earlier and I was a bit depressed at work. I found it hard to rouse myself to do anything other than see clients. I found it hard to do paperwork or make phonecalls. But I just kept going, neglecting these parts of my job.

This reached the point where I was afraid I had contributed to someone's death. Thankfully this turned out not to be the case. It was at this point that I finally decided to act in accordance with my beliefs that Christians are sinful, yet forgiven and that we should take responsibility for our actions. I didn't want to be a hypocrite. I didn't want my Christian family to think I was a good and kind person when I was secretly ugly inside. So I went to my boss and admitted and apologised for what I had done.

Since that time I've continued to mature in my faith. I would like to think that if a similar situation arose, I would care so much for my clients and for doing a good job and so little for approval from others, that I would seek help early on.

I think that work can be dangerous and disheartening because we either do not see or we forget God in it. This is harder to do in my current work as a church apprentice – but it is still possible for me to get caught up in organising things and passing on biblical knowledge. I run the risk of regarding God as an idea, rather than having an ongoing relationship with him.

Forgetting God is particularly easy to do when work is busy or stressful or difficult. At these times, it is very easy for Christianity to become something extra, something you engage in when you have time or energy. This is probably why I didn't act in a loving or responsible way when I was having trouble at work – although my faith was important, it was an extra, not the starting point for how I look at everything, each day.

When things are busy or stressful or difficult, God does not disappear. He is still the true God who asks for our praise and obedience. Rather than forgetting about him, we need to pray and ask for his help in doing our job well and loving the people we work with, whatever the situation.

Writing My Job Description

It has taken me ten months to work out what my job is about. I've been told that's part of the job! I'm particularly interested in feedback from past and present church workers or apprentices.

A church worker is a leader. Their exact role will change according to the gifts God has given them, but they will always be involved in leading the church. So an apprentice church worker is learning to be a leader.

Christian leadership involves three things – setting a good example by godly character and conduct, teaching and serving others. In theory, Christian leadership should look the same whether it is full or part time – quantity being the only difference. In practice, however, spending all your working hours on one thing can change the quality of your work, or the type of work you are able to do. It can also change other people's perception and expectation of your role.

The first priority for a church apprentice is to grow in righteousness, humility and love – to set a good example to Christians and to promote the gospel to non-Christians. This is done by growing in your relationship with God. It calls for time reading and meditating on God's word; time praying; reading Christian books; examining yourself and thinking about how God's word applies to your life. This is often work observed by no-one but God.

Teaching others can be done through preaching; studying the bible or Christian books with individuals or in bible study groups; discussing life as a Christian with others or taking Sunday School. It involves training people to serve Christ using the gifts they have been given. As a church worker you also teach non-Christians about your faith when you have philosophical discussions, when you comment on the Christian perspective during everyday conversations and when you participate in events tailored for non-Christians.

Serving others is a distinctive feature of Christian leadership. It is hard to describe because it can involve anything to help an individual or a group. It can involve practical help; overseeing, reflecting on and participating in church programmes, structures, events and people; friendship and thinking about and getting involved with the community. It always involves praying for others. Church workers serve both their Christian family and the non-Christian people they know.

And all this is done in light of eternity.

Going to a Church for the First Time: The Gospel Assumed

It has been said that the first generation believes the gospel, the second assumes the gospel, the third forgets and the fourth denies. I recently visited a church where the people were caring and the gospel was assumed. This is how I remember the church I grew up in, although I might not have been paying proper attention, listening instead with a rebellious, hard heart.

When the gospel is assumed, the explicit and demonstrated teaching of the church focuses primarily on people's response. We are taught that God is awesome and good and that he loves us, but we are not told how we know this is true. We are told we can have a relationship with God, but we are not taught how or why this relationship is possible, or what part we have to play. The emphasis is on us loving and praising God. This is not wrong, but it is incomplete. It would be so easy to explain the how and why that is the gospel - that creates the possibility of and reason for our response. The heartbreaking thing is that if this is not explained, we may fail to know God at all and certainly not in his fullness. As a consequence, praise and love becomes forced or misguided. We don't understand what Jesus has saved us from or to, and we don't know the surety of our forgiveness and of our eternal life. We don't know the reason God the Father sent his Son, in our past, for our future – for his glory. This knowledge should be at the centre of all we know.

When the gospel is assumed, we also fail to be taught how to find this knowledge. This too is a tragedy because we end up praising a God each Sunday that we never hear from or speak to for the rest of the week. We forget that we must first approach him in repentance and faith. We forget that because of the gospel, God will continue the work he has begun in us. We forget that for this to happen, we need to get to know him by reading his Word. And we forget that our growth also depends on our praying to him, sharing our lives with him and depending on the God who has shown himself to be dependable. These actions should be the fabric of our lives.

As a result of all this we lose the reason and the courage to kneel in repentance before the cross; we lose the assurance of our forgiveness; we lose reliance on the Holy Spirit's sanctifying work in us; we lose hope in the bright future that eclipses this sorry world and we lose the desire to do all things only for God's glory. Instead, Christianity is reduced to experiencing God now, like so many other religions and spiritualities.

There is nothing wrong with experiencing God now, but this experience is only gained when Christianity is rightly understood and lived. In true Christianity, God's decisive work in our world in the past and his promise of a future teaches us how to come into relationship with him and gives us great joy now. As we learn more about his unchanging character and his work, we know him better, we love him more and we experience his love for us. Knowing God, we end up with nothing but heartfelt praise and love for him.