How to support single women

Here's some ideas about how churches with lots of families can be sensitive to and supportive of single women. Some of it may also apply to women who infertile and to single men. It's written for husbands, but it can be for anyone.

• Be aware that single women may feel unconfident and lonely, and perhaps despairing and bitter. They may feel they are second-class women, not properly feminine. All these feelings will be heightened if there are lots of pregnant women and families around. Single women may also feel a lot of pain at not having kids. It may be heartbreaking for them to be around pregnant women or little kids. I don't know what can help with this. Maybe it's enough for people to be aware of it, and for Mums not to be offended if single women avoid them and don't help with the kids, and for single women to know they're not doing anything wrong if they feel like this.

• Show single women great respect and affection. Remember that the less honourable parts deserve greater honour (and I know this can apply to Mums too!).

• Encourage all the women, whether single or married, confident or unconfident, to reach out to each other and show interest in and respect for each other. You do not want only Mums chatting with Mums and single women chatting with single women, though of course a bit of this is natural and fine.

• Encourage the Mums to not only talk about their kids or their marriage or their new life when single women are part of the conversation. A bit of this is great and interesting and makes single women feel included, but too much is painfully marginalising.

• Value the role single women can play in the life of your family. You may want to seek their opinions about how you should parent your kids because even though they don't have kids, they do have life experience and know biblical truths. Include them in the life of your family, and really treasure them being Aunties for your kids and let them know that you do.

• Families are a bigger 'entity' than single people. They are much more 'present' and 'in your face'. I think this means they capture peoples' attention more. This can mean that people like church leaders spend more time chatting to or socialising with Mums and Dads. This is a tricky one because families are more complex and do, in a way, require more attention. But be careful not to gloss over single women because you haven't noticed them. This will probably be even more likely to happen if these women are feeling unconfident or unworthy, and so are themselves retreating into the background.

• Remember that single women don't have a man around (unless they're close friends with a guy or have a great relationship with their brother or Dad). This means they don't have someone to protect or provide for them. So, don't do things like leave them to catch a bus in the dark (unless of course they're totally fine with it). Show them the same graciousness you would like another man to show your wife if you weren't there.

• Single women haven't been through any life events in which it is culturally appropriate for people to look after them or celebrate them. Because they've never had a wedding, their family and friends have never bought them expensive homewares. Because they've never had a baby, they've never had dinners brought round. It's unreasonable, yet easy, for single women to feel neglected and get bitter about these things. It would be so lovely for people to do things for them or give them things, even when there was no 'occasion'.

• It's good to have Bible study groups that are demographically mixed. It makes it possible for single women to put their situation in perspective and to care for the other group members, whatever their situation, just as they are cared for in return.
  

• Preaching the Bible gives single women hope and comfort, rebuke and perspective, and teaches them how to live in a God pleasing way.